Thursday, April 15, 2010


Headed different directions the next few days......I look forward to being back together again.

How sweet to already miss the beloved ones whom you haven't even left yet! =) As we get ready for trips, being scattered, to curl up on a couch, snuggle and hear, "I miss you already." It's true. We miss each other already. We will check in often and pray for the events carrying various ones away from the home. But to know that we are loved.....we all feel the same. We miss each other.

I am abundantly blessed............

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

So there's this boy.....

This boy who walks the halls of church and is just flat out mean. I've watched this boy grow up, loved on him, had him over for sleepovers, birthday parties, holidays, prayed for him. This little one in a boy-man body growing tall making poor choices. He can be good....I guess I should say he is good because God created him, but I don't want to see it. I choose not to see it......because he has hurt my son. He has hurt me......

He's been through a lot. A divorce. A broken relationship with a parent. A broken heart. When his heart was broken, out spilled ugliness......all over my son. How I'd love to tell you that I prayed through it, released it fully to God, and did all the things I see Christ extend to others. I didn't. *sigh* Oh we prayed, for him, for ourselves, for the bullying to stop, and so much more. We tried to encourage, be there. Walk through the dissolving of a life with the family. We wondered if it was just "playground antics." We had compassion once. Where did it go?

Mark 6:34
When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.

I've seen this little lamb wandering, without a shepherd.....

It's been two years. We are tired. My son has had enough. My heart has been withered by this unending storm. I let it. I've had enough.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it's where I am.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

There are days when my heart is tendered and it will pray, earnestly. Then, there are days when I see their vehicle pass on the road and I instantly have to repent for a foul thought......and then repent again when I think back and have the SAME THOUGHT!

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

We are walking this path. Following. Choosing to forgive and having compassion and choosing not to. Stumbling on the path. Watching our Lord. Reaching for The Hand to help us back up. Gazing into loving, compassionate eyes, piercing. Knowing that I hold this thing deep and desperately wanting to let it go, to give it to Him.

Oh Lord, have compassion on me a sinner!

He always does. He's always there. Showing me the way. I am not alone. This boy isn't alone, but feels alone. Our Lord walking this boy's rocky road calling him, searching for His sheep, leaving the ninety-nine. Having compassion. Being compassion.

Lord, make us more like You.......

holy experience

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Rays of Light

Rays of light bursting through the clouds, pushing it's way solid through the air. These are the only straight lines in the natural world, I'm told. I believe it. Light. Strong. Directional.

Weather vane in the fading light. I couldn't help but smile. Although this was decoration....well, I don't know, maybe it's function is to show direction of wind. Directional, again.

One reacts. Both reveal........hmm.....

My boys. Definitely light in my days. Direction for my life, giving me a whole new purpose. Love poured out so genuinely that I am drenched with it. Life full of sweetness and the tough. Grateful for how different they are, but both the same in spirit, more man than boy. Warriors for a new generation and bringing strength of heart to the weary. My heart so grateful that they love.......they love Him and are growing in His ways.

Monday, April 12, 2010

When life is full......

Schedules become fat with things to do. I look forward to the sunshine and refreshing days. I want to be outside. I didn't grow up being an "outside" girl. The world is transforming before my eyes. I am being transformed.

It's becoming spring in these parts. As wildflowers begin their dance in the wind, I don't seem to keep my eyes on the road very well. Each year I grow to enjoy the changing seasons, but there are still parts of me that grieve the change. Why do I always have to couple grief with everything? It gets heavy. I want to hang on to the past, to the comfortable now. The reason? I'm afraid. As much as I want to be brave, face the world with a smile, seek Him and live new things. I'm scared. Of what? I I want to live! I desperately want to. Experience all that God wants for this life, to glorify, worship, adore Him. Grow in gratefulness and love.

My full schedule is piling up all the more. It's just a busy season. I saw it coming. I anticipated it. Look forward to it. I scheduled it. But when it comes down to the doing of it. I feel so small.

I look back at the gifts of this weekend and I am so thankful. A house full of coughing boys healing,

a football tournament taking one boy away,

a birthday party for a precious, thankful girl,

little blue delights waving as I drive past beckoning me to stop and look,

taking photos of a family put together from around the globe,

and a dry cleaner doing a necessary job so well in this little community.

Only Him who sits on the throne could take the so unconnected and weave them into life. The unexpected making life full and I never saw it coming. I'm encouraged. Not quite so afraid. Surprisingly hopeful again. It is good. Grief eases and I think I can see the path ahead to follow Him. I am grateful.

Delicate details of a roadside beauty....

Fading wisteria.....this one blooms this much every five years. Five years of waiting......

Delighted little one, dear to my heart, jumping for joy over a gift.....a gift. Oh that I want to have this coming as a little child to Him rejoicing in His gifts....

Resting from the day's work. Evening light spilling in and it's time to go home. A job well done.

Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving thanks.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

holy experience

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Walking on a Thursday

The days seem full. Walking toward Easter. Imagining the road He walked the days before and the vast range of emotion that must have accompanied Him slows my racing mind. Those walking with Him didn't understand, though I'm sure they tried. They loved Him. I love Him.

I'm walking a road I wouldn't have chosen for myself. It's a road where I just can't seem to see the path, the direction. My feet feel the rocky bits. I stumble. I look ahead. Walk a rough road. But it's good. Why don't I associate the hard also with the good? Walking even when the plans that are carefully carved out vanish can be so heavy. And yet, I must walk.

Revelation 21:5
And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

Spring is hinting she may stay. I am caught up in the light of this season. The long shadows becoming a bit brighter, shorter. The summer is closer than expected. The air gives her secret away. Newness of life is bursting out daily. I watch. Trees in a neighbor's yard bud. Sticks begin to clothe themselves in a green dress and dance in the March winds howling into April.

Busy bee doing what it does. Work. There's more pollen than it could ever carry. Does it ever feel overwhelmed by the work to be done? Does it ever enjoy the flower it visits? The tasks of life for the, gather pollen, make honey.....yet there is so much more. It glorifies The Almighty. The Creator. Ancient of Days. Bees have been glorifying Him daily throughout the centuries, by just being bees.

The flowering tree. I look long, admire. Flowers first, then leaves. Showy, delicate flowers lasting but a breath, then leaves growing large. Not as lovely. I don't look as long. Leaves almost invade. Contrast in texture and color. I miss the flowers. I want to smell the delightful fragrance and enjoy the intriquite petals, pieces.

Then I realize, although they are lovely, beautiful and inspiring, flowers are temporary for reasons The Creator fully knows. Flowers can't shade on a hot summer day when rest is needed, a pause while walking a rough road. I need rest under a shade tree from the long journey. It's not that the flowers aren't needed, they are a little delight from our Maker. A gift. A temoprary gift to enjoy. How wonderful these happy faces of all kinds of flowers changing throughout the year bursting forth loveliness in cresendo! The symphony of spring heard in the breeze, felt in the air.

New life! Abundant! The apparent death of the earth, waiting in cold days of winter, wandering in grayness, hoping for spring. New life. Where are you? Then, unexpectedly, it happens. Little buds of new life emerge. The waiting is over.

Three days must have felt like months to those reeling from the crucifixion of their Beloved. Going to the tomb and it's emptiness misunderstood. There was LIFE! Life emerged! Emptiness of the tomb meant new life? A heart can't always comprehend the truth of the moment. Hurts fight to hold their ground while new life has emerged. Resurrection from the dead, the truth of new life. And He, the Saviour of the world, walked the bitter road, rested under the leafy tree, admired the loveliness of His Father, gave thanks, continual thanks, and gave all the more......Himself. But He didn't stop there.....He brought new life, abundant, full, overflowing. He is here with us, Emmanuel, to walk this road ahead that we might follow, rest under the shade from The Tree Of Life, refreshed. Never alone.

holy experience