So there's this boy.....

This boy who walks the halls of church and is just flat out mean. I've watched this boy grow up, loved on him, had him over for sleepovers, birthday parties, holidays, prayed for him. This little one in a boy-man body growing tall making poor choices. He can be good....I guess I should say he is good because God created him, but I don't want to see it. I choose not to see it......because he has hurt my son. He has hurt me......

He's been through a lot. A divorce. A broken relationship with a parent. A broken heart. When his heart was broken, out spilled ugliness......all over my son. How I'd love to tell you that I prayed through it, released it fully to God, and did all the things I see Christ extend to others. I didn't. *sigh* Oh we prayed, for him, for ourselves, for the bullying to stop, and so much more. We tried to encourage, be there. Walk through the dissolving of a life with the family. We wondered if it was just "playground antics." We had compassion once. Where did it go?

Mark 6:34
When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.

I've seen this little lamb wandering, without a shepherd.....



It's been two years. We are tired. My son has had enough. My heart has been withered by this unending storm. I let it. I've had enough.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it's where I am.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.



There are days when my heart is tendered and it will pray, earnestly. Then, there are days when I see their vehicle pass on the road and I instantly have to repent for a foul thought......and then repent again when I think back and have the SAME THOUGHT!

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.


Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

We are walking this path. Following. Choosing to forgive and having compassion and choosing not to. Stumbling on the path. Watching our Lord. Reaching for The Hand to help us back up. Gazing into loving, compassionate eyes, piercing. Knowing that I hold this thing deep and desperately wanting to let it go, to give it to Him.

Oh Lord, have compassion on me a sinner!

He always does. He's always there. Showing me the way. I am not alone. This boy isn't alone, but feels alone. Our Lord walking this boy's rocky road calling him, searching for His sheep, leaving the ninety-nine. Having compassion. Being compassion.

Lord, make us more like You.......

Whiter than snow

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7



"Come now, and let us reason together," says the LORD,
"Though your sins are as scarlet,
they will be as white as snow;" Isaiah 1:18



And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. Matt 28:3

Pondering color and learning about light, as of late. Snow falls white from a gray sky landing and brightening up the world. A blanket of quiet. Snow's quiet, a needed pause to rest. Bustling lives zoom down roads headed to the next appointment or task....except when the snow beckons them to rest. The hurried grumble and my soul finds an excuse to stop, settle, stay.....see.

Storm has passed and light of the next day dances on the white six inch layer. "Wow, that snow is so bright, shining, sparkling...." I hear that quiet still voice, sweet......

"Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be........as white as snow....." My sins? Like that? The ugliness of this heart big with unforgiveness, hurt, sorrow? Held tight reasons to justify my holding these hurts, dealing with them, myself.

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7

Purified.....delicate snow.....falling pure from heaven. Each flake handcrafted by My Master. White. I shall be clean. I have been washed in the scarlet blood of the Giver of life. Abundant life. Whiter than snow........

From the depths of my soul, I thank you, LORD.......

When the storms come.....

The unexpected storms of life are raging, furiously. Angry, lashing winds of condemnation screaming. Flesh is a powerful force. It's sneaky and when wrapped in the encouragement of itself, dangerous. How quickly our life can change because our fingers are used as a tool to create chaos.....

The wind howls. The boat rocks. I'm in this boat, not because I caused the storm, but because I journey closely with one who crafted the temptest.

My expectation of this holiday season becomes tainted because of the messiness of life. How little I really understand! Why desire the perfection? Planning carefully, for months.....looking forward to new things. The old things...the age old flesh comes in and ruins hours labored for awaiting His coming.

Or does it?

The boat seems to be tipping and I can imagine how the slicing, cold waters will engulf, draw me down to the depths. I gasp. Choke. I'm drowning. And it happened so very quickly. "Lord, save us!"

I'm caught up in the storm.....not resting quietly. I'm so tired. Hurt. Angry. "Where are You?!!!"

I will never leave you, nor forsake you.....

Comfort, briefly. I feel the lashing rain on my face....or is it just the hot tears of loss of control......."WHERE are You?!!!"

I am here. I will never leave you, nor forsake you.....

Listening for the still, calm voice while waves crash and the cries of my loved ones increase seems impossible.

I am here.

Immanuel? Is that You?

Comfort. Peace. Deep love.

Save me!

More peace.

Wind still furious. I am drenched with the ugliness of this flesh storm. I sigh. Choosing peace.

Night will be long for this storm to run it's course......being dragged through it. But He's in the boat. Not stopping the winds, waves.....they are still obeying Him. We must ride out this faith increasing storm. Did I just pray, "Lord, increase our faith?" Yes......and He is. He is using the dirt of this life and breaking up hard, dry soil.....preparing the field.

Shaking with flood of emotion, hurt, my own flesh reactions, will I choose this course? His way? This One who is working, not aparently sleeping in the boat? Will I rest in Him and allow Him to bring us safely to the other side? Will I choose Him as my peace?

God with us.....in the barn, the manger....in the healing of the leper, my flesh disease......in the everyday, working with hands, carving out a life.....in the storm, calming me while storm increases......and He increases my faith, deepening relationship.

A Consuming Fire

Hebrews 12:29........for our "God is a consuming fire."



Oh LORD, may my heart burn fiery hot with Your passion and love. Full of grace, mercy and humbleness of You. May it warm the hurting and comfort the sick and lonely. May you continue to purify the flesh of self and heal the wounds of life.



May Your light of love penetrate darkness of soul and radiate love, compassion. As the day fades and night surely comes, may I follow You in the light and walk securely on Your path, the unknown way to a weary traveler. You never fail. You know the way. Warm the laborer of life with nourishing words of rest. Consume me...........