Wednesday, April 14, 2010

So there's this boy.....

This boy who walks the halls of church and is just flat out mean. I've watched this boy grow up, loved on him, had him over for sleepovers, birthday parties, holidays, prayed for him. This little one in a boy-man body growing tall making poor choices. He can be good....I guess I should say he is good because God created him, but I don't want to see it. I choose not to see it......because he has hurt my son. He has hurt me......

He's been through a lot. A divorce. A broken relationship with a parent. A broken heart. When his heart was broken, out spilled ugliness......all over my son. How I'd love to tell you that I prayed through it, released it fully to God, and did all the things I see Christ extend to others. I didn't. *sigh* Oh we prayed, for him, for ourselves, for the bullying to stop, and so much more. We tried to encourage, be there. Walk through the dissolving of a life with the family. We wondered if it was just "playground antics." We had compassion once. Where did it go?

Mark 6:34
When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.

I've seen this little lamb wandering, without a shepherd.....

It's been two years. We are tired. My son has had enough. My heart has been withered by this unending storm. I let it. I've had enough.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it's where I am.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

There are days when my heart is tendered and it will pray, earnestly. Then, there are days when I see their vehicle pass on the road and I instantly have to repent for a foul thought......and then repent again when I think back and have the SAME THOUGHT!

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

We are walking this path. Following. Choosing to forgive and having compassion and choosing not to. Stumbling on the path. Watching our Lord. Reaching for The Hand to help us back up. Gazing into loving, compassionate eyes, piercing. Knowing that I hold this thing deep and desperately wanting to let it go, to give it to Him.

Oh Lord, have compassion on me a sinner!

He always does. He's always there. Showing me the way. I am not alone. This boy isn't alone, but feels alone. Our Lord walking this boy's rocky road calling him, searching for His sheep, leaving the ninety-nine. Having compassion. Being compassion.

Lord, make us more like You.......

holy experience


redeemed diva said...

Found you through Walk with HIm Wednesday. Wow. What an amazing post. I learned so much from it. Thank you for sharing. What a hard situation. I am praying for you and your son today.

Stephani said...

Beautiful post. It makes me wonder if I am like this boy when I rebel against God, and how does he look at me? I know how he looks at me. The same way he looked at Peter after the cock crowed. With compassion and promise. I have to look at others as this lost soul that I once was, and pray they'll be found. Thanks for this beautiful reminder!

Dianna said...

I found you through Walk with Him Wednesday...and I wanted to tell you that I appreciate your transparency because it helps me to remember the times I've not prayed with a sincere heart over bad circumstances. Thank you for such a heartrending post.

Graceful said...

I'm coming over from A Holy Experience...and praying for resolution and peace in your time of trouble.