It's Monday and I find myself putting on my "game face" for the week. It will be a short week since my hubbie and I will be headed to St Louis for a homeschool conference we've been invited to. I'm excited to go! Yet, I find myself relying on my strength to dig in a get so much done. I'm afraid I've missed so many moments of WONDER because I "game face" many days. It's a mask really. I gear up and and getter done....that's what life's supposed to be about, right? I'm beginning to wonder.
My hubbie returned from a KAIROS weekend last night. I drove to the maximum security prison to attend the closing ceremony and to spring my man! =) I listened to men share their hearts about the weekend. I heard their stories and I heard my own story many times. It would've been me behind those bars if I had chosen differently. We all would've been wearing white and eating oatmeal masquerading as meatloaf. I'm grateful for weekends like that one where guys have an opportunity to be held by the strong arms of my hubbie and given the chance to sob the hurts away. I love my hubbie's heart and how he loves these forgotten ones. They truly are the "least of these" in our society. These men know what a game face is and how to use it. They have to live behind it to survive. It's a prison within a prison. But, for a few days they can lay it down and get real, if they choose to. Many chose to.
My game face is my prison, too. It masks my insecurities and failures. It reminds me that I'm the only one who can do this thing called life. It appears to be safety and refuge, but it's actually razor wire and guard towers.
I look at my Saviour's life and I don't see a game face. I see compassion, deep emotion, and love. I see a man openly weep in grief and the fire of righteous rebuke in his eyes.....real, deep emotion. I see strong arms gathering up scurrying children and bringing them to His knee. I see real. I see simple love. The life changing kind. I'm not so sure I see that in my life......but, oh, do I want it!
Well, I'm deciding to pull the game face off and lay my self-reliance down today......probably have to do that many times today since my mask is such a great fit and the clothing of self-reliance tailor made for this body! =) I'm ok with that. I'm one of those scurrying children my sweet Saviour will be herding today and I'm ready for the rest of His lap......
Lord, may this day be laced with little joys and praise to You, the mask remover of my soul.
~Jules
2 comments:
Oh my sweet bride! Your words bring me honor, and they also bring tears to my eyes. I love to read your perspective on life. What a blessing you are to me, our boys and the community in which you live. I am a blessed man because of you. Blog on my precious one. Blog on!
Reading what your husband wrote makes me misty-eyed, too.
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