These boys

We walk through life together. Chatting, dreaming, laughing. I watch these boys struggle with their obvious transition into manhood. They are doing better than they know. They are upfront, honest, innocent, yet learning discernment through those raw life lessons that scratch and bruise. They desire to be real men, tender, strong, valiant. Their example is a good man. A man who struggles with the same things and who desires to live life with honestly and lots of fun. Their Papa Bear has trained them well.......


LOOK! On the horizon!!! Can it be?!



YES!!!! Super heroes to the rescue!



May they never quit dreaming and laughing!!!

Bitter Cold

It's cold. Bitter cold. I'm stuck inside. Stuck with a good book. Close to a fire. Wrapped in a blaket. Beloved voices heard in the home.

It's cold. Bitter cold. I'm stuck inside...........I am glad.

The Snow Arrives

The snow arrives and our household is ready to stay in and gather around the fire. It's been so long since we've had this pleasure. Snow days bring a necessary pause. In a way, the earth looks new. Fresh. A natural new beginning for a day. A day scheduled the way you desire and you can stay home. Beginning again is always good to do, even if it's the first of February. Beginnings. They inspire hope, anticipation of good things. Yet, hard things come and we walk through them whether it be willingly or unwillingly. When snow melts and the normal pattern of life gears back up, we will take moments of these days and remember the rest, the pause, the reflecting done and will ever so slowly begin to apply those new beginnings and reestablished rhythms for the days ahead.

Truly, let it snow...........

Family

Headed different directions the next few days......I look forward to being back together again.

How sweet to already miss the beloved ones whom you haven't even left yet! =) As we get ready for trips, being scattered, to curl up on a couch, snuggle and hear, "I miss you already." It's true. We miss each other already. We will check in often and pray for the events carrying various ones away from the home. But to know that we are loved.....we all feel the same. We miss each other.

I am abundantly blessed............

So there's this boy.....

This boy who walks the halls of church and is just flat out mean. I've watched this boy grow up, loved on him, had him over for sleepovers, birthday parties, holidays, prayed for him. This little one in a boy-man body growing tall making poor choices. He can be good....I guess I should say he is good because God created him, but I don't want to see it. I choose not to see it......because he has hurt my son. He has hurt me......

He's been through a lot. A divorce. A broken relationship with a parent. A broken heart. When his heart was broken, out spilled ugliness......all over my son. How I'd love to tell you that I prayed through it, released it fully to God, and did all the things I see Christ extend to others. I didn't. *sigh* Oh we prayed, for him, for ourselves, for the bullying to stop, and so much more. We tried to encourage, be there. Walk through the dissolving of a life with the family. We wondered if it was just "playground antics." We had compassion once. Where did it go?

Mark 6:34
When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.

I've seen this little lamb wandering, without a shepherd.....



It's been two years. We are tired. My son has had enough. My heart has been withered by this unending storm. I let it. I've had enough.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it's where I am.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.



There are days when my heart is tendered and it will pray, earnestly. Then, there are days when I see their vehicle pass on the road and I instantly have to repent for a foul thought......and then repent again when I think back and have the SAME THOUGHT!

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.


Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

We are walking this path. Following. Choosing to forgive and having compassion and choosing not to. Stumbling on the path. Watching our Lord. Reaching for The Hand to help us back up. Gazing into loving, compassionate eyes, piercing. Knowing that I hold this thing deep and desperately wanting to let it go, to give it to Him.

Oh Lord, have compassion on me a sinner!

He always does. He's always there. Showing me the way. I am not alone. This boy isn't alone, but feels alone. Our Lord walking this boy's rocky road calling him, searching for His sheep, leaving the ninety-nine. Having compassion. Being compassion.

Lord, make us more like You.......

Rays of Light

Rays of light bursting through the clouds, pushing it's way solid through the air. These are the only straight lines in the natural world, I'm told. I believe it. Light. Strong. Directional.



Weather vane in the fading light. I couldn't help but smile. Although this was decoration....well, I don't know, maybe it works......it's function is to show direction of wind. Directional, again.

One leads....one reacts. Both reveal........hmm.....



My boys. Definitely light in my days. Direction for my life, giving me a whole new purpose. Love poured out so genuinely that I am drenched with it. Life full of sweetness and the tough. Grateful for how different they are, but both the same in spirit, more man than boy. Warriors for a new generation and bringing strength of heart to the weary. My heart so grateful that they love.......they love Him and are growing in His ways.

When life is full......

Schedules become fat with things to do. I look forward to the sunshine and refreshing days. I want to be outside. I didn't grow up being an "outside" girl. The world is transforming before my eyes. I am being transformed.

It's becoming spring in these parts. As wildflowers begin their dance in the wind, I don't seem to keep my eyes on the road very well. Each year I grow to enjoy the changing seasons, but there are still parts of me that grieve the change. Why do I always have to couple grief with everything? It gets heavy. I want to hang on to the past, to the comfortable now. The reason? I'm afraid. As much as I want to be brave, face the world with a smile, seek Him and live new things. I'm scared. Of what? I guess....living. I want to live! I desperately want to. Experience all that God wants for this life, to glorify, worship, adore Him. Grow in gratefulness and love.

My full schedule is piling up all the more. It's just a busy season. I saw it coming. I anticipated it. Look forward to it. I scheduled it. But when it comes down to the doing of it. I feel so small.

I look back at the gifts of this weekend and I am so thankful. A house full of coughing boys healing,

a football tournament taking one boy away,

a birthday party for a precious, thankful girl,

little blue delights waving as I drive past beckoning me to stop and look,

taking photos of a family put together from around the globe,

and a dry cleaner doing a necessary job so well in this little community.

Only Him who sits on the throne could take the so unconnected and weave them into life. The unexpected making life full and I never saw it coming. I'm encouraged. Not quite so afraid. Surprisingly hopeful again. It is good. Grief eases and I think I can see the path ahead to follow Him. I am grateful.




Delicate details of a roadside beauty....



Fading wisteria.....this one blooms this much every five years. Five years of waiting......



Delighted little one, dear to my heart, jumping for joy over a gift.....a gift. Oh that I want to have this coming as a little child to Him rejoicing in His gifts....



Resting from the day's work. Evening light spilling in and it's time to go home. A job well done.

Psalm 100
A psalm. For giving thanks.
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Walking on a Thursday

The days seem full. Walking toward Easter. Imagining the road He walked the days before and the vast range of emotion that must have accompanied Him slows my racing mind. Those walking with Him didn't understand, though I'm sure they tried. They loved Him. I love Him.

I'm walking a road I wouldn't have chosen for myself. It's a road where I just can't seem to see the path, the direction. My feet feel the rocky bits. I stumble. I look ahead. Walk a rough road. But it's good. Why don't I associate the hard also with the good? Walking even when the plans that are carefully carved out vanish can be so heavy. And yet, I must walk.



Revelation 21:5
And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."



Spring is hinting she may stay. I am caught up in the light of this season. The long shadows becoming a bit brighter, shorter. The summer is closer than expected. The air gives her secret away. Newness of life is bursting out daily. I watch. Trees in a neighbor's yard bud. Sticks begin to clothe themselves in a green dress and dance in the March winds howling into April.



Busy bee doing what it does. Work. There's more pollen than it could ever carry. Does it ever feel overwhelmed by the work to be done? Does it ever enjoy the flower it visits? The tasks of life for the bee.....fly, gather pollen, make honey.....yet there is so much more. It glorifies The Almighty. The Creator. Ancient of Days. Bees have been glorifying Him daily throughout the centuries, by just being bees.



The flowering tree. I look long, admire. Flowers first, then leaves. Showy, delicate flowers lasting but a breath, then leaves growing large. Not as lovely. I don't look as long. Leaves almost invade. Contrast in texture and color. I miss the flowers. I want to smell the delightful fragrance and enjoy the intriquite petals, pieces.

Then I realize, although they are lovely, beautiful and inspiring, flowers are temporary for reasons The Creator fully knows. Flowers can't shade on a hot summer day when rest is needed, a pause while walking a rough road. I need rest under a shade tree from the long journey. It's not that the flowers aren't needed, they are a little delight from our Maker. A gift. A temoprary gift to enjoy. How wonderful these happy faces of all kinds of flowers changing throughout the year bursting forth loveliness in cresendo! The symphony of spring heard in the breeze, felt in the air.




New life! Abundant! The apparent death of the earth, waiting in cold days of winter, wandering in grayness, hoping for spring. New life. Where are you? Then, unexpectedly, it happens. Little buds of new life emerge. The waiting is over.



Three days must have felt like months to those reeling from the crucifixion of their Beloved. Going to the tomb and it's emptiness misunderstood. There was LIFE! Life emerged! Emptiness of the tomb meant new life? A heart can't always comprehend the truth of the moment. Hurts fight to hold their ground while new life has emerged. Resurrection from the dead, the truth of new life. And He, the Saviour of the world, walked the bitter road, rested under the leafy tree, admired the loveliness of His Father, gave thanks, continual thanks, and gave all the more......Himself. But He didn't stop there.....He brought new life, abundant, full, overflowing. He is here with us, Emmanuel, to walk this road ahead that we might follow, rest under the shade from The Tree Of Life, refreshed. Never alone. Alive.....wow.......

Whiter than snow

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7



"Come now, and let us reason together," says the LORD,
"Though your sins are as scarlet,
they will be as white as snow;" Isaiah 1:18



And his appearance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. Matt 28:3

Pondering color and learning about light, as of late. Snow falls white from a gray sky landing and brightening up the world. A blanket of quiet. Snow's quiet, a needed pause to rest. Bustling lives zoom down roads headed to the next appointment or task....except when the snow beckons them to rest. The hurried grumble and my soul finds an excuse to stop, settle, stay.....see.

Storm has passed and light of the next day dances on the white six inch layer. "Wow, that snow is so bright, shining, sparkling...." I hear that quiet still voice, sweet......

"Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be........as white as snow....." My sins? Like that? The ugliness of this heart big with unforgiveness, hurt, sorrow? Held tight reasons to justify my holding these hurts, dealing with them, myself.

Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7

Purified.....delicate snow.....falling pure from heaven. Each flake handcrafted by My Master. White. I shall be clean. I have been washed in the scarlet blood of the Giver of life. Abundant life. Whiter than snow........

From the depths of my soul, I thank you, LORD.......

More February Snow

Inside, I care for my Valentine's Day azalea watching the snowy light dance on it's tender petals.



Outside, flakes of white drift silently down to our part of the world.



Boys play in snow and a group of kids meet at the city park for a massive snowball fight. Oh the delights of youth! I am taking pictures, participating by observing, but my kid-like heart wants to get in the mix. The snow is perfect powder. Ripe for snowballs. A contest begins. Who can make the largest snowball? I see so much more happening......youthful minds begin to create, experience, grow.....work together. Before long, four large frozen masses emerge and laughing young adults struggle to push and roll. More join in. Heaving. Working. Play becomes work and no one seemed to mind. They just jumped in and helped. Coming together. In fun. In work. In life. In joy.



Faithful dog, who guards our home. Seems happy to run in snow. Resting in the trail he walks on daily security checks.

The pattern of the days delightfully altered by a white blanket.

February's Walk

Winter's beauty.....



Frozen fog clinging to trees....



The setting sun of a full day, glowing bright in love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No fresh inspiration for the day.
No earth shattering insight to ponder.
No great "next thing" to grasp, understand.
No breakthrough I've been anticipating.
No new delicious morsels to nurish the soul.

Just the filling words of life I love. Read again and again. Dear friends of old. Comforting. Healing. Loving. Seeming new as I read them with anticipation, knowing what the next words are. Familiar becoming fresh. Reminders of who He is, of His love. Gratitude. Always gratitude in the remembering.

After the Storm Thursday

After the tornadic storm Thursday (no damage to us), so many birds came to the feeder! At one time, there were 3 cardinals at the feeder. (You can see three in this picture.) I've never seen that before. They normally chase each other away. Along with the male cardinals, a female cardinal, red breasted house finches, sparrows and gold finches were in mass. We stood at the window and watched until the next round of storms come raging through. Our weather radio was the background music for most of the day. =)

Through the glass

You shine through the colored pieces of life.......



Lighting life with warm, comforting strength.

In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. John 1:4

The colors of light, bringing life, coloring life.....being life.

It's just that.........

I've been here. Home. In my man's arms.....in his heart....and staying close. Reflecting on the beauty of a marriage I could never have imagined. I'm in awe of His goodness. That divine love that brought us together and created a family fills my heart with overwhelming thankfulness. We walk together. Following Him.....together.



I've been here. Seeing. Weeds that grow close to a dumpster dance in the evening sun. Feathery. Fine. Fragile. Fascinating.



I've been here. Resting. Walking in the reminder that nothing I am going through is too big for Him or too insignificant. The place I run to....the cross. The life given because of it and in light of it. The beauty of sacrifice for a greater good. The purity of purpose. The deep love it embodies. Hope out of crushing. Power from weakness.

And so, I haven't been here.........

Where have you been finding yourself lately?..............

Hope in Seasons of Life

This season has been cold. My heart cold. The gray of the sky, darkened cool light reflects the mood as of late. Many I speak with struggle with this time of the year. My heart aches with theirs. Sharing their grief, their pain. The heaviness of life seems to paralyze at times........but there is hope. Hope has a name......it's Jesus.



.....and He came. Yes, as a precious baby to a cold world, full of winter. Cold hearts. Full of pain. Not only did He come, he engaged those in pain, felt it Himself, and brought Hope. Hope. To the dying. To the lame. To the blind. To the weak. I am all those things. I feel all those things. I give those things. Now, that He has come.....I have Hope. I am now walking with Hope. I feel Hope. I can give Hope. I have Hope! Oh, my little heart bursts with the fullness of this very thought! Lord, You are too good to us!



You care for this unknown sparrow and give food......soul food. To nurish in those long days of winter when my heart remembers how cold it was and acts like it hasn't been changed. I am more valuable......how can that be? More grace. I have Hope.



Celebrating the Oplatek.....a Polish Christmas Tradition.....breaking the Christmas bread, speaking blessing, swallowing it's deep meaning......Your blessing, Your baby body, broken for us......to bring Hope.....

When the storms come.....

The unexpected storms of life are raging, furiously. Angry, lashing winds of condemnation screaming. Flesh is a powerful force. It's sneaky and when wrapped in the encouragement of itself, dangerous. How quickly our life can change because our fingers are used as a tool to create chaos.....

The wind howls. The boat rocks. I'm in this boat, not because I caused the storm, but because I journey closely with one who crafted the temptest.

My expectation of this holiday season becomes tainted because of the messiness of life. How little I really understand! Why desire the perfection? Planning carefully, for months.....looking forward to new things. The old things...the age old flesh comes in and ruins hours labored for awaiting His coming.

Or does it?

The boat seems to be tipping and I can imagine how the slicing, cold waters will engulf, draw me down to the depths. I gasp. Choke. I'm drowning. And it happened so very quickly. "Lord, save us!"

I'm caught up in the storm.....not resting quietly. I'm so tired. Hurt. Angry. "Where are You?!!!"

I will never leave you, nor forsake you.....

Comfort, briefly. I feel the lashing rain on my face....or is it just the hot tears of loss of control......."WHERE are You?!!!"

I am here. I will never leave you, nor forsake you.....

Listening for the still, calm voice while waves crash and the cries of my loved ones increase seems impossible.

I am here.

Immanuel? Is that You?

Comfort. Peace. Deep love.

Save me!

More peace.

Wind still furious. I am drenched with the ugliness of this flesh storm. I sigh. Choosing peace.

Night will be long for this storm to run it's course......being dragged through it. But He's in the boat. Not stopping the winds, waves.....they are still obeying Him. We must ride out this faith increasing storm. Did I just pray, "Lord, increase our faith?" Yes......and He is. He is using the dirt of this life and breaking up hard, dry soil.....preparing the field.

Shaking with flood of emotion, hurt, my own flesh reactions, will I choose this course? His way? This One who is working, not aparently sleeping in the boat? Will I rest in Him and allow Him to bring us safely to the other side? Will I choose Him as my peace?

God with us.....in the barn, the manger....in the healing of the leper, my flesh disease......in the everyday, working with hands, carving out a life.....in the storm, calming me while storm increases......and He increases my faith, deepening relationship.

Choosing Thanks

Snow covered travels to Maine in mid-October.....looking back on a dream trip and remembering His loveliness in that part of the world. I find my mind drifting pack to the places we saw, pondering.....how quickly seasons change and yet feel like eternity when walking through them.....



Looking forward to putting this puzzle together soon......childhood happy memories.....the puzzle encourages me to remember the good, the happy.




This beckons me to come....be warmed.....rest.....to curl up in the favorite blanket that must feel like being nestled in His lap.

~for tea time and boys who remember it daily

~ladies who will gather at my home today for what I hope will be rest and comfort....a pause in this season and refocus

~for the children who will attend with them and their little voices of joy that will create laughter

~for the bloodline of Christ that wasn't made up of perfect people, but ones who chose faith and walked by it

~for choosing thanks in today in the difficult situations of life that seem to grasp, choke, squelch